I used to hate leaving the party when it was ending. I would go to the postgame, the after-party, the after-after-party. The people at the after-after-parties were a lot like me. Looking for some kind of comfort or excitement, some of them made careers out of throwing the parties and networking with bachelorettes and models.
When I was going out every day (M-Sunday, everyday), I was searching for something and feeling so numb. I felt like I had a gaping hole in my life that I filled with every substance and every stimulus I could find. I tried to fit into new groups of people (tragically I chose the club rats, the druggies, the clout-addicted promoters). I tried to meditate and read and make music. I even tried to write, and I was left with this shitty piece of shit. Nobody likes reading depressive shit except for depressed people. The “normal” stable people will read this and feel sorry for the writer, feel disbelief that someone can be this way not out of their own wrongdoing, or be completely apathetic. I’m not sure which one is worse. But for the nonbelievers, mental dysfunction happens for a variety of reasons to a variety of people, including geniuses like myself (just go with it): chemical imbalance, trauma, abuse, learned behavior, and sometimes it fucking happens because you don’t have a why. You’re raised atheist, it makes no sense why humans exist, it makes no sense that you exist, and logically speaking, none of this will matter. One day, humans will be wiped out like those before ya. Maybe the internet will live on, but if the aliens are taking over they probably have 101G by now.
Getting a little off topic, but now you have something else to enjoy rather than this depressing piece of garbage below. Hope you trash cans enjoy it, but I won’t blame you if you don’t. I still cringe but there are some groundbreaking lines we will develop into gold. And some lines I think I stole from a Macklemore song but I could be mistaken.
late nights and early
mornings
drunk days and sober
warnings
don’t say goodbye
don’t say hello
don’t say let’s take it
slow
late nights and early mornings
God came to me last night
but then I woke up in your bed
how did i get here
tonight i work on myself
not on
you
I’m having so much fun
feeling bad feels so good
no xanax but a little coke
Fucked up all hours
watching the money showers
It’s raining it’s pouring
the old man is snorting
man this is the
life
God came to me last night
but I woke up with my life gone
Lost another friend, that’s two gone
I’m so bored I might kill myself
Just how I
felt
Felt jealous today
first emotion in weeks
nice to know I still care
Felt comfort in the shame
Felt comfort in the regret
Inferno love seat I left outside
Home sweet home to
me
Thanatos came to me last night
He came dressed as Hypnos
I sunk in real comfy
red or blue, which do you prefer?
finally
left
the prison
of my
mind